Crush

Why am I giving you so much attention? Why do I want your attention? It feels very special to have your grey eyes looking into mine, and to feel your lips against my skin...It makes me float like I'm in water. But then you do things that suggest you have no intention on giving me what I need, attention...comfort.......love. Sometimes I leave the space feeling broken. Like tears forming in the back of my eyes as I try to not let it out. But all you've done is be nice to me, listening to what I have to say throughout our interactions and messages, but then we meet in person and it feels slightly off, slightly different. And I'm not sure who's part to play in it all, perhaps no one is to blame for the shift in dynamics. But then, why do I feel like there is a shift there on purpose? It feels like you're keeping me close but distant at the same time.....
It makes me feel played, emotionally. Clearly tell me what you want from me....where you see this friendship going...what is wrong with me?

Fuck, they never end. Some of them never go away. I wish I didn't want anyone, and I didn't want anyone to want me. I wish I just didn't care.

I have a serious crush on a guy right now.

He's this super adorable bisexual stoner from Washington. He got me into a shoegaze band while I was high one night, we played Truth or Dare on Skype, he wears thong underwear and showed me how to roll a joint. God, he's cute.

I want him, but more than I want him, I want him to want me. I want to smoke a couple bowls with him and then have awkward stoned sex.

I had a really hot dream about him while I was taking a nap the other day and it was fantastic. I don't think I'm his type. Still, he's nice to lust over.

Liking you is like sitting down to pee on a toilet full of bleach. Some form of relief, followed by unparallelled pain. And I am enthralled.

I... I think I have a crush on a guy in my World of Warcraft guild. He's really nice to everyone, and even though a lot of people in the guild are pretty harsh to me he always gives me a chance. He always leads the fun raids that I go to, and I always like being in his group so I can be useful to him and share my buffs and crap.

Plus, his accent is really nice and his character has a ponytail - the only attractive hairstyle for that race I swear, it's not just because- okay fine yes I have a thing for guys with long hair.

I had a cute dream about him last night(except it was kinda our game characters but his face looked like my boyfriend oh god weird) and woke up feeling so embarassed. If he or anyone else in the guild knew, I'd have to move server for the embarassment of it all. I'd never live it down. I can't even tell my boyfriend because I'm so mortified.

All I need now is for somebody to post a picture of him IRL and it turn out that he's actually hot. Then I'd just die.

What do I dooo oh god I can't tell anybody but I feel so awkward now...

I am not really getting sexual crushes anymore. Like I am getting kind of romantic ones, but not sexual. I have by no means achieved asexuality, but this is a start, kind of. Back in the day, it used to be I'd meet a girl and I'd immediately wonder if I could ball her. But that's stupid! Now it's like, yeah okay we can do it eventually, but how about for now I just like take you to dinner and maybe we'll see or rent a movie and then I can drop you off and kiss you goodnight before I drive myself home? So there is basically very little concern given to balling now.

I swear I never graduated from the middle school level of maturity when it comes to sexuality.

I have such a schoolgirl crush on Trent Reznor right now it's actually funny. The only difference between the crush I have on Trent Reznor now and the crush I had on Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys, is that Trent makes better music. Ok, and I respect his recent dealings with his record company, and his music videos consistently have an artistic standard that is excellent.

I guess the fact remains the same that I am attracted to musicians and artists. If only my school had some more dark, brooding, brilliant, incredibly handsome, musicians walking around. If only I had a chance being with them if such creatures existed on campus.

Really I would be quite happy with a reasonaby smart guy, with simlar interests, who can hold a good conversation, who respects my values, and is on some level shares a mutual attraction with me. Really thats all I need. Pity none of those exist on campus either.

Crush, hell. I get full blown obsessions easier than most people can conceive of. They're hell. If I have a crush, I act upon it (excluding Johnny Depp, etc) So if I act upon it and things don't come out peachy keen, I get obsessed. Real bad kind. The last one lasted for about a year and four months. If there is a hell, and I go there, it will be full of wonderful, unattainable people I can interact and be friends with, but never have.

i've talked to him once, and it was a long long time ago. i don't know any more of him then the world at large does. i think i'm in love.

I'm going to a guy's (my impending crush) house tomorrow and we are suppose to eat ice cream on his bed.

I'm hoping that's not a euphemism.

I'll be upset if there isn't any ben and jerry's.

after we broke up, it took a while but i finally got a new crush. it felt nice in that kind of way when you feel normal. but now, it feels like it's going to just hurt in a little bit. i need to develop confrontation skills so that these things can grow into more than just crushes, but i don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. i wish he would take the hints and make the move.

I keep telling myself it's just a crush. But that's being delusional. It stopped being "just a crush" months ago. I haven't decided when I'm gonna tell her. I can't deal with another heartbreak right now, I don't think.