Toothbrush

disingenuous enough that maybe even they can't tell if they're sad because they're not with you or sad because they don't get to gloat.

what is this dark magic?

we do not regret to inform you that there is life on mars. we do not regret to inform you that it is richly populated and dense with life. we regret to inform you that you were right, but wrong about the right thing.

we regret to inform you that the rover took off -- as you see it, before you said goodbye. but in reality, you said it before takeoff. and the pilot listened. no other farewell was necessary.

mouth of an elderly mountain man. speak no more. your regrets are not needed here.