Life

Life Is a poet’s vice It is his heroin He kills himself Feeding his addiction And we call his death-throes “Art”.

I want to write a poem To leave a written testimony for all to read Of how much I feel for You Of how happy I am to know You One with the full power of my passion For You I want to paint a picture So everyone can see how Beautiful You are to me I want to write a book Filled with the memories of You Which I cherish With all my soul But when I compare my talents With what I want to say Show And remember I realize to even try Is to fail For I could Never Do You justice

Life This is what it’s like Wonderful feelings of joy You scream in agony

I want to Laugh I want to Cry I want to know Why I have done this, please. I want to Find A piano I wanto to Sit In front of it I need to Play My life story there For all to hear For all to experience I want to be understood I want A hug.

So, it has occurred to me that I have been holding myself back for way too long. There are so many things I want to do! People I want to meet... Goals I want to accomplish. I have been so worried about how I look to others that I had forgotten... It really doesn't matter. I never gave a fuck what anyone thought before, so why now? A momentary...ok a fairly long-lived lapse of self-confidence? Well, I have come to some realizations, thanks to a few good friends and some serious soul searching... And I'm not hiding me anymore. ;)

The unexamind life does not go unjudged.

everything is falling back into place.

I am at that place between sleep and awake where I keep questioning my existence and consciousness and purpose and soul

and I can't help but think that the answer is right around the corner, tickling at the edge of my brain

if I could only retain enough focus to-

Kitty!

There's a life that's appropriate for me.

I can plot it out like a curve on a grid.

From where it begins to where it ends, it's a beautiful, proportional arc, that I could effortlessly glide along.

Urges have been steering me off of this course, erratically and ineffectively, like a shopping cart with one stuck wheel.

I have nothing to guide me and help me decide. Just feelings of passion, indifference, and irritation with myself. Should I follow what I'm passionate about, or should I hang onto my obligation to be useful to people, and to serve?

Hm.

I'll end up in the same place, regardless of what I do.

Maybe I need to figure out what's important to me.

Maybe I need to decide whether or not this sense of identity is helping or hindering me.

My fingernails have been digging themselves into my palms for awhile now. Maybe it's time they find a more worthy target.

On the surface, it would appear that I have no life, in the "get a life" context. I spend 90% of my free time alone in my room, I'm stuck in a go-nowhere job that barely makes enough for me to scrape by, I only have one friend, and I'm stuck in a long distance relationship.

Yet even though not much has changed, I'm starting to feel like I have a life. It's very humble, and very boring, but happiness is starting to creep into my life. Either that or my contentment is evolving into happiness.

Either way, this scares me. Being frustrated about the way my life was may have been, err... frustrating. But at least I knew I wasn't going to settle. I think I'm settling, and it scares me. I always knew I wanted more, but I never knew what I wanted.

Now I don't think I want anything else, except that I want to want more.

Ugh. This is giving me a headache. And it makes almost no sense outside of my head.

View Thinker #5f1f0a's profile

It makes sense, and the only way you're going to get more out of life is if you go for it. If you want more then go get it.

View Thinker #006666's profile

I'm not sure what I want, though.

I think I just want more/better what I already have. More friends, more affection from my loved ones, a better job, more money, etc.

The only two things I don't have at all that I want are a car and someone to make the nights less lonely. Those are both within reach, I suppose. It doesn't really feel like that's what I'm missing, though.

Oh well. I'm sure I'll figure out what it is I'm missing, then make a thought about it.

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I never ever thought the pain would pass that I would mend my world of broken glass that my memories would come soon to fade and leave far behind my dark charade

there are many nights that i walk alone straying from the paths that lead to home hoping to find other souls like mine taking more hits, killing the time

wanting to stay in an altered state lost in a world only i can create taking my chances, throwing caution to the wind searching for a begining, hoping for an end

to these creatures that rise, and start to surround clawing at my mind, taking me too far down into the shadows that i've known all these years taking my emptiness, filling it with the tears

but a new hope is rising, along with my dreams as i stitch and repair my ripped open seams i open my eyes, take the deepest of breaths as who i used to be dies the quickest of deaths.

I've been rethinking my life lately and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I have alway been really content with my life, but just recently I found that I'm not happy with it. I don't know why. I have every reason to be happy with my life so why am I so sad? I just get really sad for some reason and then it tuns into anger. What is going on with me right now? Everything in my life is good, and there are aspects that I'm really loving. So why am I being such a spoiled brat?