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Where are the wonderful moments where I feel intimate with the universe? Where I can't feel the difference between my atoms and those of the rest of existence? Where are the trippy rainbow shows with beings not exactly of this world? Where is my damned ability to meditate, and do I fail at that because of my anxiety crud or because I'm spiritually crippled? Where are the wonderful dreams that make the world alive with color, beautiful to be in, even worth being in? Most importantly, where is my faith?