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I'm so fucking capable of making this place work. This idiot is holding me back. Why is it that people with money refuse to make money? Why the fuck are they so disconnected? I don't want my servers to look like assholes in bright lime green polos that don't fit, I don't want a table of four to order eight different things that all have "Irish" in the title, I just want us all to make money. Everything profitable about this place has been my idea.
Feeling so jaded and depressed by past relationships, that I don't even want to try. I love my partner, but I see limitations to the relationship. And within those limitations I feel like It is a waste to even try. I know in the end I won't get what I want, and my expectations and goal for future won't be fulfilled. I feel the mire energy I put in, the more energy I'm actually putting into my future pain and heart break. Is it worth it?
It's hard to find a moment in my life that I can look back on as a moment I felt some worth to myself. It's been a long time since I've felt any worth at all. Being with my daughter. Teaching her something new. Giving her that kiss before she goes to bed and seeing her smile and that silly comment she would give me as I turned the light out. That was the last time I felt worth in myself. I felt like I was doing something real. She made me feel like I was the center of the world and I felt I was giving her everything she needed and wanted all simply because I was there for her. I was something for her to love. She was something for me to live for. Something to be proud of. It's too bad I don't have that any more.