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i'm just trying to be myself. i'm just trying to finally stop worrying about what anyone else has to say about me.
i'm my own worst enemy because i have had in the past a tendency to front and play of the act of someone who isn't really me but much more interesting.
once i figured that out, and started to work on figuring out who i am as myself, without someone else attached to me date-wise. i feel like i found out who was really there for me and who was a good pick on the bff train and i'm glad for that.
on the flip side, i think you started to figure out who i really am and decided that it wasn't the person you thought i was. i'm kind of worried that it's not a person you even like. i don't know if i'll ever know.
i don't know how to fix this and i don't know that there are enough hours left to fix it. i do know that i want you to be happy, i want us to be friends again but i don't want either to be at the expense of my own happiness. i'm completely over giving that up.
Yesterday, hanging out and partying with friends, some old and some new, I found myself acting much differently than I usually do around people.
I was actually acting like... well, myself. Usually I put on different masks for different people. Unfortunately, when you gather all those people in one room together, you're forced to improvise.
So with the help of copious amounts of alcohol, I let it all out and just acted naturally, and everyone loved me for who I am.
Try communicating. It's hard. It's scary. It makes you a bit vulnerable. But if you want to figure out who's on board and who isn't, sometimes blunt conversation needs to be had.
I'm in the opposite position you are. My friend won't open up to let me know her, yet I think she is angered that I don't accept the "real" her. I'm just confused. I don't know what is for show and what isn't. I love her and her quirks, I'm just waiting for her to give me something, I'm waiting for her to treat me as the friend I had always thought she was.