Myself

i'm just trying to be myself. i'm just trying to finally stop worrying about what anyone else has to say about me.

i'm my own worst enemy because i have had in the past a tendency to front and play of the act of someone who isn't really me but much more interesting.

once i figured that out, and started to work on figuring out who i am as myself, without someone else attached to me date-wise. i feel like i found out who was really there for me and who was a good pick on the bff train and i'm glad for that.

on the flip side, i think you started to figure out who i really am and decided that it wasn't the person you thought i was. i'm kind of worried that it's not a person you even like. i don't know if i'll ever know.

i don't know how to fix this and i don't know that there are enough hours left to fix it. i do know that i want you to be happy, i want us to be friends again but i don't want either to be at the expense of my own happiness. i'm completely over giving that up.

Yesterday, hanging out and partying with friends, some old and some new, I found myself acting much differently than I usually do around people.

I was actually acting like... well, myself. Usually I put on different masks for different people. Unfortunately, when you gather all those people in one room together, you're forced to improvise.

So with the help of copious amounts of alcohol, I let it all out and just acted naturally, and everyone loved me for who I am.