When

When did this even start? I'm so spun around backwards, it feels so right something must be wrong with it. The ease with which we switch from meaningful conversations to make-out sessions in the dark astounds me. The speed with witch we've acclimated to each other almost makes sense since we've known each other since freshman year, but at the same time it doesn't. We've been "together" for a few weeks, and already I'm okay with sleeping in the same bed with him. So in one sense of the word I'm "sleeping with him" but this other part of my mind keeps chewing over the other meaning of that, and how far we're ready to go.

Part of me says I want him, all of him, another part says we should slow down and enjoy this strange seduction of one another, and another part argues that at least right now I think I love him, and that's the way I've always wanted to lose my virginity, part of me suspects he's also a virgin and is afraid of taking that from him too soon, pushing him too fast, and part of me is always ticking down, and some small part of me is sitting in the middle of this crowd of voices and tearing out their hair. And then this all just shuts up when I'm with him, and I have this blinding senseless need that scares the crap out of me when I just sit and think about it at 5:30 in the morning. The consensus in my head seems to be that it WILL happen.... The only question is... When?