Heavy

Referring to the slang word "heavy" and its vague definition... Buzzed... difficult to articulate myself... I found the word most appropriate when describing what teaching in a maximum security prison is like. During the summer, I teach workshops in such a facility, and never had any trouble working with the murderers, the rapists, the thugs, the outlaws. What really bothered me, what was really "heavy" about all of it, was really, truly feeling what it meant to be a prisoner, surrounded by metal and armed guards, and empathizing with these human being living in brutal conditions. The people were fine. But the environment... Hm... Heavy. Just heavy. It was hard for me to handle.

I've just fully understood the slang use of this word. I mean I've heard it. I get what people are trying to convey when using this term but today I saw something. I saw something I probably shouldn't have seen. It wasn't meant for anyone else to see. It was strange and drew me in because it was about a subject that quit honestly frightens me and most other people and so I watched and I listened and I grasped what was going through this person mind what it was he was feeling and seeing and breathing into his lungs and I saw mortality fragile and abused and I understood what that simple little term meant exactly. I felt this man’s last words and they landed heavy on my shoulders. I wish I hadn't seen it. I wish I hadn't watched and I wish that I could take it all back. Ignorance truly is bliss.