- 4 thoughts
- Log in to add a thought
I remember all the hopes and dreams and dreams of my youth and laugh to myself. I wish I could still feel that way. The excitement of what my future may hold. Now I just fear what obstacles tomorrow has for me.
Now the relative psychological stability that I've found in adulthood seems foreign and unsettling. In a strange way, I gravitate back toward the suicidal, crushing depression that I grew up accustomed to. It was the way that things always were. It was the way that I always was. It was Right. It was appropriate. It's like I'm locked in an abusive relationship with myself that I keep coming back to because it's familiar and I've grown comfortable with it, despite knowing that it will most likely kill me in the long run.
I was recently telling a friend about a guy I know. This guy is going to start med school in the fall, is an amazing musician (I have a weakness for musicians), and just a really great guy in general. My friend started to imply that there was something going on between this guy and I (even though there really isn't), and while I tried to explain to my friend that there wasn't, the words "I wish" were going through my head.
This is a bad thought. Mainly because I almost guarantee this guy would never be interested in me, but also because I am already with a guy. I just can't seem to get it out of my head. This guy seems to be everything that I want in a man.