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I want to find the part of my brain producing these feelings, and then cut it out with a spork. This is insane. It's utterly insane. Of everything that's happened to me, and everything I've done - all the pain given and taken, all the guilt, disappointment, terror - this one little thing that I don't really even control has completely fucked up my world. I want to scream, to hit things, to just go to sleep... to do anything to shake this hollow feeling, even for a little bit.