Blerrrgh

I want to find the part of my brain producing these feelings, and then cut it out with a spork. This is insane. It's utterly insane. Of everything that's happened to me, and everything I've done - all the pain given and taken, all the guilt, disappointment, terror - this one little thing that I don't really even control has completely fucked up my world. I want to scream, to hit things, to just go to sleep... to do anything to shake this hollow feeling, even for a little bit.

I've never felt so empty and meaningless, and I never knew how deeply and instinctively I could feel loss.

Fuck this so much.