Hollow

i've come to the conclusion that the most horrendous, all-consuming thing a person can experience is to feel hollow. that you just can't bring yourself to care about anything you should be caring about. that deep emptiness. vapid torture.

i'm a slave to the pattern. the only motivation i have to continue this game is the pattern, the schedule, the obligation to others. when my actions are truly up to me, i choose inaction. i think and dream and scheme but do nothing to bring any of it to fruition. is this learned helplessness? a chemical imbalance? if i ever graduate, these are the questions i'm supposed to be prepared to answer. if i can't seem to figure out my own twisted mind, how the fuck am i going to help other people untangle theirs?