I've been distracting myself so that I don't have to feel so bad.
Like maybe, if I concentrate on my Spanish final, it won't hurt so much that I'm not at the funeral... that there wasn't a funeral... that I can't give my mom, my aunts, my uncle, my cousins a hug.
It's been working out...
Right up until the moment when the lights are off, the room is quiet, I'm warm and snuggled underneath my blankets, and the thought of her hits.
And there is nothing left to distract me, so I cry until my eyes give up on staying open, and I slip into sleep.