Hidden

She has always had the power to reject or break up with me in a way that just makes me fall for her more.

She usually is often a terrible conversationalist, but when it comes to lines like that that really matter - she blows me away with an empathy and wisdom I don't see anywhere else.

I put it pretty well in a song I wrote about her:

"Even the ways she wounds you is beautiful."

That's what's kept me going without any reward all these years. Every time I fail, that's when I get these glimpses of an altogether different, but brilliant person. Attractive in entirely different ways from her usual self, which just amplifies the other beauty that is already there. Like catching a glimpse of glittering diamonds beneath the gold. One more glimpse of heaven. It's not much of a reward, but it keeps me trying again and again.

Our relationship is much like the lyrics of "Nothing Better" by the Postal Service.