Matter

Wow, I just came to the realization not to long ago that the reason I personally feel this way is that when I was a little girl, my siblings would tell me that my youngest sibling didn't like me, she liked them more. Every single day. It made me hyper-vigilant of whether or not I matter to the people I'm close with. And it's probably tainted practically all of my relationships from the very beginning. It was even my life's goal to be the best sister to her, and I've succeed in that. It's kind of overwhelming, coming to realize it because I don't have the benefit of a professional to tell me what the bloody fuck I'm supposed to do with this info.

So… that's my meaning, not sure if it's at all similar to the one you're talking about here, though.