Close

we're so close. you are the only person I could ever bare my soul to, now. I used not to care, I'd happily tell anyone anything they wanted to know about me. someone took advantage of my naiveté, though, and now I'm not so quick to share anymore.

was my innocence stolen? or is closing ourselves off to people part of growing up?

We used to be close... what happened? We talked about things, important things, things that mattered. We gave each other advice, we helped each other figure things out. I shared in your excitement when you met a great girl. I talked to you about her when things began to get serious. I met her and gave my approval. I told you how happy I was to be her sister.

But where are you now? Where are you when I need you? You don't even know how much stuff has gone on since last week.

You're too busy with your fiance to care about your sister now.... and I'm not going to lie, that hurts. I thought we were close....

Lying on my back, I felt myself dissolve into a million pieces and float up into the sky as a vaguely humanoid cloud of colorful energy. I watched myself collect into a brilliant, spinning, shifting fractal that represented my whole being on every physical and metaphysical level. I spent a long while watching what it was doing. How it was growing. How it was swirling in on itself and continuing into infinity.

Then it started falling inward. Its energy slowly fading, it began to distend into an endlessly long set of opposing tracks of interplaying light and geometric patterns. I could tell the light was dulling. I could see the geometry shifting from vastly complex shapes to simpler curves, and the two tracks drawing in toward one another. There was nothing outside of them. Inside, was what was left of me. This was my death. This was the experience of my faculties dulling, and my capabilities fading away with them. The energy that had sustained my life up until now could no longer support itself, and I was witnessing the chain reaction that was closing the already narrow metaphysical space in which my life could exist.

A comforting presence joined me. I asked her if what I was seeing was me.

"Yes."

I asked her if I was going to die.

"Yes."

I weakly pleaded that I didn't want to die.

"Of course you don't," she said.

I cried in the presence of this infinitely compassionate, loving being as I watched myself close up.