Virginity

Virginty: The only 100% curable desease.

To be honest...

I'm not exactly sure when I lost it.

... It took several attempts....

(We were both new at it. )

But we were comfortable enough to laugh about it, and I still love him for that.

Thank God I didn't have a roommate anymore (no offense to her) or we might never have worked up the nerve.

We were three and a half years stupid before we realized what we had.

He asked me to shoot him down.

I thought of duck hunt.

(I think the little dog is still laughing at me.)

Almost a year later, and many miles away, and I still love him.

... so much for "hating your first."

I can't believe I haven't done a thought about this yet...

So. Here's my thought on my virginity. I don't particularly care. Really. But I still am one. 21, and still haven't "done the deed." It's getting kind of annoying now, because I feel like I'm missing out on all these cultural references. Or people talk about it in some way, or what they would or would not do, or their favorite position, and they look to me for input, and I don't have any cause I've never had anyone put in.

Grah. Part of it is I'm scared. I'm terrified. For no reason. Which annoys the crap out of me because I've always tried to face my fears but the excuse of "but I want the first time to be with someone I care about" keeps me from facing it.

I've come close, but I've always found reasons to push people away. I don't want to be a spinster. I want kids, and a house and a dog and all that jazz.

Another part of it is self-esteem. I don't think of myself as pretty. Or sexy. And when other people tell me I am, it always sounds like they're lying. I don't see how someone could honestly be attracted to me, even though in retrospect I can see how people have grown more attractive to me the more they grow in my regard. When you give someone a name and a personality, how you see them changes. I guess I don't hold myself in high regard.

This is dumb. This is my last semester of college, and some part of me is yelling at me to go out with a bang. I don't think that's going to happen.

To sum the whole thing up:

Oh well.

View Thinker #ff3399's profile

i don't want to sound hackneyed or anything but it's truly better that you do wait until you're in a special situation with someone special to you. this does not mean perfect, of course, but it's better you wait until you can do it with someone you care about at age thirty than get it out of the way now and regret it. i regret it a lot. i regret not waiting for someone special. so of course i'm biased.

View Thinker #000000's profile

I've always heard that, stereotypically, you always end up hating the guy that took your virginity. If that's to be the case with you, then it had better be with someone you had no lasting attachment to.

My advice is to not let sentimentality dominate how you live your life.

View Thinker #2d042c's profile

And stereotypes bear what relationship to reality, exactly?

Sexuality is different for different people. Including that for some people, no matter how liberal or generally un-Puritan the views they intellectually hold are, sex is not good if it is meaningless, and no amount of getting all up in their cheese fries about "lighten up already, it's just sex" is going to make them feel any different. It's entirely up to the OP to decide how much sex is or can be just a recreational activity or something to be "gotten over with" for her. It's not "sentimentality"; everyone's different.

View Thinker #277dd3's profile

Many stereotypes are based in reality. That's not to say that all stereotypes are always true, but if they weren't true a significant percentage of the time they probably wouldn't be stereotypes. Anecdotally, I have to agree with Black, but only because most people lose their virginity in high school and high school breakups tend to be kind of bloody. As for the thought itself: if being a virgin bothers you, have sex. If having sex with someone you don't love bothers you, don't have sex. If they both bother you, figure out which one bothers you more.

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I think most people disliked their first time. I disliked mine simply for the person... If only I had waited. But then again there were some good things that came from it. I have been able to let go and to know when someone is just going to use me. I don't regret it, but in someways I'm still holding a grudge against myself.

But it's what I wanted at the time, right? And i can't change it so I have to let it go. Today's the day I won't dwell on this thought again.

And his penis wasn't any bigger then less then average size, so what was he raving about?

I recently had this thought. What if I were magically a virgin again? How would I feel about that? My answer is somewhere between pissed or entirely indifferent. I wouldn't want to revisit all that pressure and emphasis on THE FIRST TIME. If I had a virginity to lose again, I'd lose it having sex that was no different than any of the other sex I have. I always approach sex the same, and generally feel the same about any of my various partners, so why should I feel different just because it's OMG THE FIRST TIME WTF. To all the virgins out there, I say figure out how you feel about sex and your partners, get it set in your mind what your policies are expectations and approach are going to be, then have sex for the first time as if it were the hundredth time. If you're interested in sex, then start off comfortable with sex, even if you've never had it before. Maybe my feelings about de-emphasizing the first time come from my similar feelings about not wanting to place any more emphasis on the last time. When it seemed like my first girlfriend and I didn't have long before we were going to break up, it dawned on me that sometime rather soon, I was going to have sex for the last time with the girl that I was in love with, the girl who took my virginity, and vice-versa. I asked her (tactlessly, in hindsight) if she would still want to have sex one last time if we had broken up, or were in the process of breaking up. She said that she wouldn't want to know that it was the last time. That really stuck with me. Because there was a last time. It wasn't any more special than any other time we had sex, but it was the last time. It was tragic what happened between us, but we at least had that one, last time, where we could return to that old, familiar, wonderful lie that we would be there for each other forever. And I have another last time in store for me, as well. At some point, I suppose I'll die. And that event will be preceded by a final act of lovemaking. Maybe I've already had sex for the last time without knowing it. Maybe it's decades in the future. I'd just rather not know it when it happens. How would you have sex for the last time? I think that knowing that it was the last time would just leave you feeling disappointed that you're not capable of turning a single session of sex into a timeless epic masterpiece or whateverthefuck. I just don't feel like it's within my power to have sex on some epic, higher, ultra-fulfilling level that'll make me comfortable with it being the last. I don't think that there's anything that could rescue me from how depressing it is to know that I'm doing something for the last time. So I can only hope for ignorance. Ironically, the way that I live my life is strongly influenced by my insistence on suspecting that I'm about to die. And on the other hand, I approach as much as possible as if it's new to me, even if it's familiar. Something like the child-mind cultivated by Taoists, I guess. The result of this is that I take in every new experience without acknowledging anything that came before it, and assuming that nothing will come after it. A moment becomes eternity that way, and whatever you're observing loses its context and becomes a whole universe for you to explore. But I feel like if I were aware that I was actually at my life's dead end... I don't know. I might not be able to pull this trick off. That might be the one time that I wouldn't be capable of savoring the experience. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm overanalyzing it. My goal is to have every experience reality can offer, but never experience anything for the last time. It's 4:30 in the morning, I've been working for days, and I'm delirious with fatigue. I'm not sure what compelled me to post this. I'ma gosleepnow. Time is an illusion. The illusory sleepytime yields dreams. Dreams contain passages of time. Time is an illusion. Illusions in dreams. Dreams can yield lucidity. Lucidity dismantles illusions. Illusory time. Time in dreams. Dreams in time. Time of lucidity and illusion are only differentiated in dreams, and lucidity is always assumed in waking. Waking yields illusions. Illusions are dismantled by lucidity. Lucidity is confirmed to be true and different from illusory mindstates when it manifests out of illusions. Illusions need a dreamstate to dissociate from to be confirmed to be dismantled. Time to dream away time.

I don't want to be a virgin forever, though my hymen and I are happily attached for the moment. I just want to believe that I won't regret my actions.

But it's really not an issue at the moment. Prospects are looking quite nonexistant.

I'm glad that he didn't take my virginity from me. Now I feel like I'm slightly special, even though I also feel that I will not understand most of the world until I do have sex. If I find out that life is really like it is in Bukowski's world where sex and drinking is all that life is about, I might be depressed for the rest of my life.

Am I, like, the only fucking virgin on the ether?

Bah.

See also: i'm almost 23.

View Thinker #c00f9b's profile

Nope, I'm a virgin to. And I'm 22 years old, we may be rare but we do in fact exist.

View Thinker #008b2e's profile

i'm 19, i am a virgin! and i plan on being one until the day i get married. whenever that is. it can wait. :P

View Thinker #77406d's profile

As a hedonistic semi-slut, I'm mildly jealous of all three of you. It's not that I feel dirty because there are times in my life where you would think I was training for the sexual Olympics. Sex just ruled my high school years, and now, if I'm not careful, I use it as an escape. It's also possible, and probably very common, to not be personally ashamed of enjoying sex, or the number of people I've slept with, but still worry a little, every time I get into something serious, what the other person will think of me. I mean, hey, if we don't agree on what constitutes 'slut,' fine, I'll move on. But I'm always afraid of seeing unfair judgment in someone's eyes.

View Thinker #008b2e's profile

to the purple square, if and when you find that special person, you'll know because you won't have to worry about how they view you and what you've done in the past. they'll love you as is.

View Thinker #fc785d's profile

The the green square's reply to the purple square:

Love is messy, and it's sho nuff ain't no fairy tale. There is no one out there that will be perfect. Maybe I'm just losing my faith in humanity....but people lie. Especially about how they feel on this topic, to suit their needs at the time.

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I think that virginity is over rated, I mean the first time never truly is all romance and rose petals. So might as well not bother to create an unrealistic situation that will just get completly shot down by the pain between your legs and the awkwardness of the whole scene.

Whispers of love and roses is unrealistic, unless you are talking about the thorns.

i've told every boyfriend i've had (after my first) that i wished i'd lost my virginity to them. it's always a lie, but it's what men want to hear. i personally enjoy my impurity.

I lost my virginity twenty days into my fourteenth year. It was in a barn. With a bipolar nutcase. I didn't feel a thing besides hay poking me. His mom came out and almost caught us. I had to put my underwear and my bra in my pockets. My shoes on the wrong feet.

I wish I'd waited. Not till I was married, but until I was with a guy I loved.

i lost my virginity once. it was painful and rough. i was drunk. he was sober. i think now about all the stellar ways other people get to remember their first time.

i get to think about being shoved face first over a couch, and painfully thrusted into.

not exactly the roses and wine stories i had hoped for. no whispered love words, sweet kisses. my mouth was left alone.

and now i can't have sex doggy style without thinking of him.

what crap.