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I long for some form of relief. The weather is keeping me away from an open-minded, single friend. I am keeping myself away from drugs. I want the creeping warmth of someone pressed next to me, inside me, under the covers. I want us to dance fluidly between the sheets, nibbling on each other, devouring each other's scent, taste. I want to be loved, not from a distance, but right up close. And no, Craigslist won't work for what I want. I want, I crave, the powdery oblivion of an OC. The ease and comfort that comes from a handful of Xanax. But the universe can stuff the lonliness, the lies, the crossed fingers. Shame on me for what I've done. I understand that this is karma, it is punishment richly deserved. But damn, I want a break.