- 2 thoughts
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cocaine - college was fun. i did it for a few weeks off and on without ever paying for it, then it vanished from campus right around the time i decided to try spending every cent i made on it. for the best. everyone should try it once.
speed - technically generic adderall, but bottle lists it as 'amphetamines', which is speed. helped me make it through college, and helped keep me going through an all-nighter or two afterwards. crushed and snorted, tastes like bananas.
opium - lost a few months of my life to the stuff, smoked and eaten in pellets. best vacation you'll ever take, assuming you have the capability to keep yourself alive in the meantime. a smell you'll never, ever forget.
so... why? i dunno. i didn't start doing any drugs until after i got out of high school, and by that point my brain had been running so on-point and phenomenally that school seemed useless, people all seemed retarded. i'd already written a small novel which i still think stands up as a good piece of writing. i'd gotten very at-home in my head, but i crave change - i'm the kinda guy who rearranges the living room furniture every few months just for something new. i wanted to rearrange the furniture in my head.
how'd it go? well... it's hard to say. so far as i can tell, behind these eyes, things still run pretty damn good. i think my writing has gotten better, i'm more observant, less depressed (at least when i'm high; still, if it's a choice between always depressed or sometimes happy, i'll take the latter), more open to new things. i'd be willing to say i'm luckier now, though that's probably a combination of subtle intuition and instinct - still conceivably drug-related. sometimes i lose words; my vocabulary has probably shrunk by a few dozen words in the past ten years, which is annoying when i'm trying to talk to someone and suddenly run into a word-sized blank spot in my memory.
what's my point? ...live a little. have fun in moderation. be able to recognize when addiction is rearing its ugly head, and be able to let go of the things that are going to do nothing but physically harm you (cough cough, stub out another cigarette). if things get too bad... eat an apple, drink a glass of water, and try to get some sleep. we can survive a surprising amount, as long as we have the will to do so.