Friend

5 years, 9 months ago
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There are mild-but-noticeable overtones of addiction in the friend thoughtword.

I used to have friends I would get together and drink with, but then I moved away and had drink I would drink to feel better about having no friends to drink with. And, since then, I have moved once more and can't drink for fear it will kill my unborn baby's brain cells.

So, what do I do now? Real stuff, I guess.

I don't need lovers. They turn into ghosts. I don't need sponsors. They make me want to use. I don't need relatives. They impose and take, suck you dry. I don't need acquaintances, they make me feel more alone than if I were in a room by myself. I need actual, true friends. I don't know that I've ever had a friend that wasn't also a user, or a lover, or both.

View Thinker #0000c1's profile

^this^

The worst part is when true friendship turns into love before eventually morphing into something else entirely. Not that it every works out for long settling for "friendship" when love starts grow but it sucks how much risk we have to take on.

View Thinker #77406d's profile

Exactly. It's hard to sublimate attraction into something else. I've tried, and I ended up spending several years obsessed with a friend, eventually driving them away.

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7 years, 3 months ago
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He called me his best friend. That was better than any birthday present he could possibly have bought me.

I have never lost as many friends as I did last year. Facing my problems head-on didn't work. Running away isn't an option, because I am incapable. I am not a sneaky person, I really don't know what to do. Except drink. That won't fix this. Why do you keep crippling me? Why can't you be honest? I'm trying, god damn it. I'm coming to terms with myself. And you. Your opinion of me will never be meaningless. Until I'm dead. Or in some kind of coma. Stupid, happy and numb.

View Thinker #77406d's profile

Unfortunately, friends come and go. After a while, the pain will lessen, and you'll be able to enjoy the good memories with just a bit of longing. The drinking isn't going to make you happy, numb, or dead. You might have small isolated events of peace, but they will come before and after incredible amounts of pain. I'm not saying you shouldn't drink, because I do now and then. Just try no to rely on it. I relied on a substance to get me through, and lost damn near everything. Lovers, possessions, my credibility, on and on.

View Thinker #277dd3's profile

That's just it though! I don't know if we're friends anymore. It's not something you can really ask someone, I mean, I might end up doing that anyway but then the answer pretty much becomes an automatic no. I'm just too fucking abrasive, I don't know how to face problems without them becoming conflicts.

View Thinker #77406d's profile

I'm the same way, confrontational to a major fault. And, unless you're asking if you and them are still friends while repeatedly stabbing them, just asking shouldn't affect the friendship.

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Recently I have made a new friend. I make alot of new friends, and I meet new people often. My problem lies in the fact that with each and every person I meet, I find myself enthralled with them. I adore them, I want to know them deeply, share their life dreams and secrets. I fall for all of them. I think this is because I am such a compassionate and just plain passionate person that I can find something beautiful and amazing in everyone. But this new friend of mine, things are different somehow. I adore them completely. I want to know them deeply and share alot of my time with them. I find them fascinating and interesting. But there is something else there, something I have not got from anyone else. This person unknowningly fufilled something for me. Something I needed desperately.

I am on here to be anonymous but I think I am not so. Yet here I sit still telling you all of this. Maybe because I do not know if I could do this in person. Which is odd because I am very open and honest, to the point of being blunt, about my thoughts and emotions.

And here is the part where I flip out thinking that you will think of me as insanse or even obsessive. That you will write me off. Is that even something you would do? I do not know you well but I don't think it is.

And maybe this is all just you. The people I talk with that know you as well say the same things. To an extent of course. You're amazing and talented and fun...all the general compliments.

Do you enjoy to tantalize me? Are you a great puppet master and want to watch me dance? Are your intentions for me good? Do you have intentions at all?

I do not know if you know what you did for me but I can never thank you enough for doing it.

If I could just go back to being on that rooftop...I'd stay there for Eternity. Even if I was just your comfortable friend.

Part of me hopes you'll never see this. Part of me wishes you would.

I'd like some feedback on something.

Has anyone here ever had a truly positive turnout from "friend dating"? That is, dating someone who has been your friend without open romantic interest for a significant length of time.

I've had a previous bad experience, and I have a potentially great opportunity to be with an amazing girl, but the usual anxiety is kicking in.

We already kind of lost ourselves in the moment and fooled around, then came the emotional confessions of how we've had feelings for each other, etc. And it's like she's perfect, all the things I've been complaining that I wish I had in a woman on Ether, and I just didn't acknowledge it before.

As trusted anonymous confidants and counsel, I've come to everyone on Ether to either encourage me or bring me back down to Earth, because I'm 99% sure I'm just getting carried away like usual.

View Thinker #5f1f0a's profile

I'd say to give it some time to feel out the situation. Make sure you weren't caught in the moment. Make sure this is what you really want.

View Thinker #ff0066's profile

I had a "bad" experience with this kind of situation, but I don't think it had anything to do with being friends beforehand. I don't think the guy and I ever got as close as we could/should have and it was always just awkward between us. If you are the kind of friends that can talk about anything and everything then I don't think it will be a problem to make it more than that. I agree with brown though, you should make sure this is what you want before because it does have the possibility to mess up the friendship if it ends badly.

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I have a friend. I used to want her to be more than a friend. But finally, now I think I can almost say I love her. Lust is something that gets in the way of love, I've realized. Maybe I need to dissociate love and sex? I guess that would make me more like another friend, who is a person I'd wish I was if I didn't have a penis. I wrote a song about her. And about lust. And about post-apocalyptic fucking.

I always thought you would be there for me when I needed you. But apparently, I was wrong. We have gone our separate ways And I do not know if we will ever get on the same path again. I had everything planned in my mind how things would be. Now, things have changed, and plans have been thrown away. You will never know how I feel because you cannot get past yourself. You say things, but I cannot take you seriously. You come off as hypocritical. You want things to change, but you will not take the time to change them. You say that time is limited to you, and you do not know how to spend it the right way. I see where you put your time, and for a long time, it has not been in our friendship. Our friendship is what kept me going at this school. It is what kept a smile on my face when the world seemed crazy. Day by day, I feel us growing apart. I want to stop it, but I realize that it is not I who has the power to, but you. You have more power than you realize. You need to be yourself and stop putting on a mask for the world. I feel like I have been the constant in our friendship. I have never changed. I am the same now as I was six months ago. You, on the other hand, are not. I never thought you would change. Maybe you did not change. Maybe I saw the “realyou for the first time. I valued our friendship with all my being. I thought you did too, but I realized not as much as I do. You know my history, and you know that past friends have betrayed me. I just never thought that you would become like the very people in my life that betrayed me.

View Thinker #ff0066's profile

I can really relate to this! This has happened to me and my roommate this year.

View Thinker #277dd3's profile

Ha! I was that person. Over the past year I finally gained the maturity to admit it.

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Thinking back I can't believe how much I let you affect me. I don't know why I didn't see then that you were just like the rest of them, concerned only with yourself.

But I'm happy to say that after two years I've come to realize that I don't care what you think anymore. I don't need your approval. You don't matter to me now. And it is all your fault.

I hope that one day you need a friend like me, just so it can hit you that you threw me away.

i hope she knows how much she means to me.

if not, then i might have to go throw her into a lake or something.

or poke fun of her more.

eventually she'll get it.

but for now, i am pretty sure she knows that her just being her and being there has kept me from cutting off 300-odd people's relation with me from being cut, killed, and buried.

shes a great person.