Inadequate

I collect my inadequacies like baseball cards. I think about what they're preventing me from doing. I think about how I'm lacking in everything. Learning. Drive. Intelligence. Personality. Concentration. Self-control.

Fuck.

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this reminds me of what me and my coworkers did last night. We played a game called "the Self-Criticism Game".

We sat around in a tired circle and each took turns criticizing ourselves, so we could reflect on them and maybe improve. One was not to comment on anyone else's self-criticism, lest you'd either insult them with a criticism of another, or you'd try to undermine the potency of their own self-criticism with comforting them or saying that they were too hard on him/herself. It was pretty freeing - getting to feel how others view the problems you mutually face, but in a way that didn't cause fights or anything. Everyone was to accept the problem as their own failure to fix.

It didn't help much, but helped a little, and at least felt kinda refreshing.

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i used to think that i wasn't ever going to be good enough, until someone told me i was the most beautiful person in the world.

and i realized they were lying.

so, if they can lie about how perfect I am, who won't lie about how terrible i am?

exactly. everything is a lie

MAKE YOUR OWN TRUTH.

I specialize in inadequecy. I'm attracted to it. No one can measure up to unattainable standards. Everyone is inadequate. Except me.