Commitment

I have some serious commitment issues. If I commit to something I do it but sometimes I have an issue committing to anything my brain tells me that is too far out. Just commit to it, show up, and go the hell home. I do it anyway. I think my issues stem from the fact I had a crazy relationship for 13 plus years. That is a long time to be in constant turmoil. He did whatever he wanted behind my back and for the longest time I just put up with it. Then I began to do whatever I wanted times ten! That is when it got even more loco. You know you hear people say you should be the bigger person and not get even. Blah blah blah! At what point do you stop being a doormat? I wasn't made like that. Then my mindset was if you want to play we can but I can piss you off way more than you do me. What a way to look at things......now I could care less. In fact, after this relationship I am not anymore. I do not have another relationship in me. I just really cannot with people. I like people or some of them but I could not even imagine not being able to go to my apartment and do what I want when I want. Three engagements and zero marriages. Two to the same person and one well I was in my Xanax era. Maybe this is a selfish way to see things.....maybe I could care less.