Motivation

Sometimes to hug you need to let go. Why is it so easy for some people to hate? I’ve been a little sick lately: sore throat, aching body, heavy congestion, rough cough. I’ve been getting all ripped up lately.

My motivation is getting erased. This vicious circle that my life is rotating around needs to be deleted.

My parents make me uncomfortable and anxious so I lose sleep, my sleep deprivation fucks my school and my motivation, then this causes my parents to be harder on me and me to be harder on myself. A lack of getting any entertainment in any spare time also causes feelings of hopelessness.

Somewhere my sensitivity is being tampered because of all the instances where crying would be so helpful, and I just can’t.

To cry
To just break down
In tears and in fears
To momentarily become helpless
Secure
And unaware of the outside
To trust yourself
To believe yourself
And just fall on the ground
To just rise up with more

Why do we push ourselves to be the best in school, to be the best at our jobs? Where's the line we cross to let us know that we "made it" in life? No one is going to hand me a gold medal, and even if they did, what would I do with it?

I have always admired my friends for the skills they have and their drive for making the community better. These qualities are what had drawn me to them. Now I find myself unhappy with how I turned out. I have not been apart of volunteering or anything of interest to me. WHY NOT? I can no longer let my life be wasted. I never went for anything because I always think I am going to fail at it. I no longer care if I am going to fail. I am failing at life and happiness by not trying.