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If I can't have the drugs that make me more efficient, then I want the ones that make me numb. I love the feeling of crying when I'm too fucked up to know what sadness is anymore. Sometimes I think my ideal world would be one where I could wake up in the morning, take some speed, accomplish things for a few days, then crawl into the warm embrace of some opiate. Then rinse, repeat, and so on. With how up and down I am already, I wonder if anyone would notice.