Wonder

I wonder what it is in human nature that causes us to be defiant, to be stubborn, to be contrary. Is it genetic? Probably, everything else is, with the little skips and hops that make the gentics game one of guessing. A response caused by a certain chemical hitting a certain part of the brain? What causes a teenage daughter to stand tearful, but strong, in front of a raging father, thinking "No regrets, I need what I need?" What is it that gives those who have never been busted an intense dislike of police? What causes someone to throw a thirty-two ounce fountain drink, a dripping, sugary representation of a big damn boulder, at a cop car and then cheese it? What compels people to continue living after their very government decides they shouldn't? Why do people continue to try when the odds are very much against them, when they're ripped from their homes, lovers, and family? What is it that causes me to get out of bed in the morning, to spurn those in my hometown who cast knowing glances, to even care at this point? Whatever it is, it's one of the greatest assets of the human race.

I wonder what our relationship is going to be like this year. I wonder if I'm going to be able to handle all of this. I wonder if I'm slightly delusional. I wonder why I can't get over him. I wonder if this budding resentment is going to go away. I wonder if it still hurts him as much as it still hurts me. I wonder if I can just start over. I wonder if I'll be able to keep my distance. I wonder if I'll ever see him again.

I wonder...

Does the ebb and flow of the world, the tide of moods, emotions, thoughts, and feelings twist and mold when met by a rock, a force which refuses to be brought down?

Is it possible to mutate destiny?

To dwarf and corrupt the intentions of the universe, to shape them in a way that is more appealing?

I hope it is.