Closure

i had a relationship once that never properly terminated. as a result i've been waiting five years for closure. today i skipped the yearly e-mails that get constantly ignored and finally moved on to using facebook. if this fails, i'll be sending a snail-mail letter via her parents house, come this summer.

why can't i just turn off that part of me that cares about her, so it can stop forcing me to do these things that hurt both of us? she's dating, she's moved on; why the fuck can't i? my voice still catches in my throat every time i meet a girl with her name, and i still keep a picture she drew for me hanging just above my bed. maybe i need her to hurt me.

i dunno.

It's such a wonderful thing to get. I'm happy!