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The three of us stood, watching the show. One of them stood behind me, his arm around my waist, holding my hand in his. I placed my hand on the back of the one who stood just in front of me, and together we all enjoyed this experience.
I'm afraid of when the other shoe drops. All relationships go through highs and lows, and I recognize this is a high point. There is never a promise of tomorrow, either in a relationship or otherwise, and I take these moments of bliss and I place them inside my mental shoebox so I can pull them out when the lows hit, or when I get scared. I reflexively temper this happiness with a big spoonful of "it will not last, do not get comfortable". Maybe that's cynical. But for now? I'm so, so happy...and grateful
I'm too happy to be interesting right now. I can't really work on my musical or any unrelated songs unless I have some sort of inner pain. Not that I'm complaining! I just don't need to be writing spiritually inane material. I did get the blues pretty bad last night though! My friend/the partial source of them called and I played her a righteous guitar solo. Basically I rocked her world? Hodie, cras.
She and she and I. I don't think people like us are supposed to be happy. I think we have to change either what happy means or we need to change who we are, ever so subtly. Nothing has to be perfect, and nothing ever will be perfect unless we perceive things differently than we do now. It's no one's fault but our own.
I don't know if I'm happy. It's really a weird situation. The "standard girl shit" has been over for a couple of days. I ended up deciding that I am happy enough being my friend's friend, and not her boyfriend. I guess I need to find myself. I mean, I say that about every other month, but it still needs to happen. I used to try to plan out everything that would happen between her and me. Obviously it didn't go that way, which always threw me off for some reason. I am a lot happier just letting it happen how it will.
Happiness is an illusion
I prefer to exist in a state of contentment. Not just because it's more safe, but also because it holds a greater appeal in general. Happiness builds you up so high, convinces you that your wings are infallable then you falter, something happens, and you crash.
For anyone with any sort of mental unrest, it's awkward. Depression is more frequent than those few glimpses of happiness. Happiness for a long time was the bit of sun between the clouds. Then, suddenly, ti occurred to me, there are clouds in even the most beautiful skies. It all depends on how you look at it.