Peony

there's a pink peony bush out side of my window.

i should have known this was the perfect spot for me to live. I don't know how many of you are religious, but through the hell that has been my life for the last 3 months, I just kept praying that I would find the right place, that I would get through this.

I prayed a lot, and low and behold here I am just inside the little place with the most beautiful flower bush outside.

I feel that for the first time in a long time I'm where I need to be, taking phone calls from a beautiful woman, who because I love her so much as a friend I hope things work out for her with her significant other but know if they didn't I would be thankful just to be able to be the person to comfort her.

taking phone calls from my mom, who I have discovered is this amazing woman who I love very much, and realizing that she has passed that down to me.

that I can get through anything I will never be defeated, I may have to go into retreat for a while, but that in the end I will rise above.

All those women my X looked up to, I was one of them all along I just let her break down my confidence barrier long enough to convince me I wasn't. She was just such a sad person, who has such a false sense of herself, it will take her a really long time to figure out who she is.

that had nothing to do with me. I will not play the fool any longer, I will only live to see the day that those flowers bloom outside my window and I can find it in my heart to love some one again. But not before I love myself.