Picky

A while back, as I've mentioned here before, I decided if I can't be a beggar and a chooser, I'd try my hand at being a chooser.

It's done wonders for my mental health... I still get lonely, but it hurts less somehow, as I know it's to some degree intentional. I guess feeling like a martyr is better than just... a loser?

But now I keep finding I'm too damn picky, and I can't turn it off. I nearly, or maybe did, hurt the last one - who was pretty much the best thing to have ever happened to me - because I couldn't find her attractive, no matter how hard I tried. Which shouldn't have been hard because she wasn't even unattractive. Just average, which... should be fine. Not perfect no, but fuck, I know I'm no prize either. Nobody's perfect. In my head I know this is wrong. I just couldn't help but let the minor things get to me.

Now it's happening again with a different girl I just met... she seems a totally fun, and cool person, but I can't look past minor superficial details and... as an intellectual logic-ruled person that pisses me off. I don't know what to do about it.