"damn girl, you thick."
i know it wasn't an insult, but it disgusted me nonetheless. i don't want to be "thick" or "curvy" or whatever other way you can think of to tell me i'm fat without saying the f word. i don't care what men find attractive. i'd rather just disappear.
I often plan my own disappearance. One minute I'm there in front of everyone, someone says something either deep and meaningful everyone falling into silence or someone cracks a joke and they're all lost in their own momentary joy. No one would notice right away but when things died down and everyone started to realize how late it was getting they would suddenly feel like they've forgotten something. Like maybe they left the oven on or the TV in the parlor. Just as quickly as it came the feeling would leave and I would be gone. Lost in something I can't even imagine here right now. Gone some place bigger some place brighter. Where ever it is it would be far away from this world and just about everyone in it with their labels and first impressions.
Oh, I HATE that. And plump.
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