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I know that it's good that we're all successful now, with paid vehicles and business lunches and fancy offices, but I think I'll always miss being broke and stuffed into a dirty house, packed full of other broke college kids with you. I know that that's just a phase that you pass through to get to a more comfortable life. The shitty job, the shitty house. But there's something sad about leaving it behind.
My aunt died a couple of months ago.
She won't be at our yearly family gathering. I'll never struggle to end a phone conversation with her. Never again will I delete another forwarded email from her. I feel like I never appreciated her enough while she was alive, and there is no way to do it now.
I can't imagine live without him. I don't know what I'll do when he's gone forever. All though, with the two of us, nothing is forever. Life is temporary, but I don't want him to go somewhere and me not be able to reach him when I need help. He watches over me, cares for me, loves me. And I love him, frequently send out my own batch of watchers, and try and care for him. He's about 40 years older than myself, 43 to be a bit more exact. He's not related to me in blood, but we have a deep bond that keeps us together. Sometimes I do believe in fate, and he's one of the reasons why. He was a friend of the family through a bit of work my dad did for him. I met him when I was very young, over ten years ago I'd imagine. He was subtle at first, slowly teaching me things that he knew I needed to know, guiding my steps along a path that would, ultimately, lead me towards inquiry, curiosity, and a path leading me to my personal enlightenment. I worry about him. He's a grandfather now, with a lovely boy from his youngest daughter, who I've been friends with for years. He has so much to live for, but I wonder if that will keep his pattern from ending. I shall go see him this week if he is alright with that, I think. last time I saw him, I looked quite ridiculous and out of place. I was on my way to meet another friend and thought I'd stop in for a spell. Perhaps this time, the two of us could sit down for coffee and discuss a few things that need to be discussed. I just don't know what I would do if he were gone forever. I rely, in some respects, of his approval. Strange. I don't give a damn what anyone in the world things about me with the exception of 3 people, and he's one of them. The other two are my grandmother and Aunt.