Fat

Well, goddamn it. Between January first and February 28th(ish) I lost twenty pounds. No speed, no tapeworms, just a desire to feel less like shit, and have more self-confidence, since that's a huge problem with me sometimes. If I'm interacting with someone and I know or assume they don't give a fuck how I look, I'm anywhere from normal to brash, hilarious, opinionated, or fun. Same if I KNOW someone is judging me on my looks, and I really don't give a fuck. There are times when I want to be found attractive. I know it helps with jobs. Think about all the Family Videos you've ever been in, if you have them in your area. They are notorious for only hiring thinner, younger women at the entry level. I applied at one recently, and I watched the manager throw my application in the trash without glancing at it from behind a row of DVDs. Fucker. Unfortunately, I think a lot of people personally have this issue, and I deal with so much bullshit in my life, I don't need any more just because I have love handles. The other reason is, I do want to be attractive to the people who love me (and aren't family, obviously) and to the people I'm attracted to. My point is, I lost a decent amount of weight by changing my diet and moving around more. The weight loss stopped mysteriously around the end of February. Weird, but no big deal, plateaus happen. Then my weight crept up five pounds. Weird, but I thought it was muscle mass. Then the time frame for me to start my period came and went. Although I was on birth control, it was still like annoying clock work. Oh. So that's it. I cut down on the high impact excersise and try to eat even healthier. I gain the rest of the weight back, with five more pounds as a gross, gooey "fuck you." It all goes to my stomach, even though that's not the only place it came off. My breasts, which were already starting to point slightly south from size and a previous pregnancy that ended abruptly and badly, are now pointing even more south, even though they are larger. Because of the pregnancy, there's an outward pressure from my uterus that makes me feel like my waistline is literally expanding all the time. I've never felt more unattractive in my life. And that's bullshit. So. Much. Bullshit. Maybe more words later, who knows?

Every time someone on TV, or in real life, or on some self righteous rant online talks about the obesity problem I am filled with the urge to take my fat ass over to McDonalds and eat a cheeseburger just as my little way of saying fuck you.

It's my Body I can treat it however I want to. Sure if you work out like crazy and eat healthy you may make it to 100 years. Of course you could also die in a car crash or some other random accident. And even if your body is strong and healthy enough to make it to 100, your brain most likely won't be. Call me crazy but I'd rather be taken out by a heart attack when I'm 60 then be 90 years old in a nursing home unable to take care of myself.

Which I suppose brings me to my next point. You see I know this doesn't apply to all fat people, but in my own case my weight has little impact on my health. I have low blood pressure, low cholesterol, and my blood sugar is perfectly normal. It's like that with the women in my family. My Mother is fat, My Grandmother is fat, and even My Great Grandmother even during the great depression when she was not eating much was fat. And yet we all have the same low blood pressure, low cholesterol, and normal blood sugar.

I recently lost 23 pounds. I was told that I would start feeling better and having more energy, but I haven't. I honestly feel no different then I was 20 pounds ago. Granted I'm still technically obese maybe you don't start feeling better till you cross that invisible line between overweight and obese.

People want someone to hate and it seems like fat people are the only acceptable target in today's ultra politically correct society.

Granted there are genuine health risks for anyone who is overweight, yet the health risks are actually greater for someone who is underweight. Yet the dieting needed for someone to become thin can also be very unhealthy.

I'm rambling

Bottom line

Stop fucking preaching about how bad fat people are, it doesn't help anything. It just makes fat people feel worse about themselves and want food, or makes them want to eat just to piss you off. Either way it's not effective in anything but making you feel better about yourself, you skinny bastards.

I remember walking through the mall alone, when a group of guys, who had been staring at me as I made my way through the crowd, starting laughing as I drew closer. Then one of them jumped out at me "HI! How are you?!" I looked him over and walked away.

He and his friends had that air about them, that, "give us a chance and we'll make you want to die" sort of aura.

I didn't give them that chance.

I told one of my friends this story, how I wished I had answered, made them know that they were assholes.

I wish I had answered, "Hungry. So hungry that I could eat anything. Even a person. Oh my god, you look delicious."

My fat ass would win that battle of awkwardness. You mall kid dicks.