Mood

I realized today that I feel better than I have for four years without drugs. I still have a drink now and then. If weed didn't make me anxious, I might be smoking it. It's only the opiates that do that to me, make me a twisted, creature crawling to the next fix, my eyes, pools of reflexive need, fixed on a tiny pill. I'm so glad I'm not that beastie anymore. I stand up straight, I walk, I make decisions with my brain, not my dopesickness. I'm handling multiple shitty aspects of my life. And I'm doing it on my own. No NA, no AA. I barely have anything approaching a support group, the kind that's supposed to be made of friends, family, and lovers. God DAMN is it nice.