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I only rant on social media because it's the only way I know how to vocalize what's going on in my mind. I rarely speak out loud because when I try to speak, my mind will go in different directions, coupled with dyslexia, this can turn into an embarrassing disaster. I'm really not as dramatic as I seem to be on the internet. I also live and work on the internet, and don't have many friends outside of that because I don't know how to make friends and anxiety kills my voice. It's easier on the internet. There's a filter. I'm comfortable here. If I could upload myself into the internet, I would. I have friends from all over the world. But I would like to be able to hug a friend every once and a while.
I miss my friends. But they're not really my friends, they're her friends. That's the joke! They trust me. People I've met three times trust me more than people I hung out with for seven years. I don't really miss those friends, because they are assholes. I don't fit in with them. They are "Annapolis" people. I fucking HATE Annapolis. Though I guess a few of them are "Baltimore" people. And I do like Baltimore, kind of. I am a "District of Columbia" guy.
After all, my friends know me best and I value their opinions above all else. I, every so often, will have these conversations about what we genuinely think about one another and it's a good release to be like, "Well lately you've been a dick, quit your shit. Start being yourself and stop pretending to be a bad ass. That's not who you are."
I don't know... maybe I want people to tear me apart from a sort of obsession of have with being knocked down. I feel it tests my strengths. Also, it helps keep myself in check. I can improve on my weaknesses when people tear me asunder and send me floating in the sea of my own negative qualities.
On one of my increasingly infrequent visits home, my mum asked if I wanted to go visit any of my old friends from school. The question surprised me, because I hadn't even considered it. I've seen those girls all of twice since we finished school three years ago; once for a funeral of one of our own, and once for a school fundraiser. And I do remember them fondly, but... I don't consider them friends now, really. I associated with them at school because they were my peers, but now they're out of my life. My reaction apparently upset my mum, who finds it unsettling that I don't want to know the people I spent six or more years of my life with.
And now at the end of university I've been quite eager to shed most of my acquaintances at uni, few of whom even came from my classes in the first place. I got on with most of my coursemates but for the most part I wouldn't call them friends, because a lot of them were catty fuckers anyway. And some of the people, coursemate or not, I did befriend eventually turned out to be tiresomely immature anyway.
I was trying to examine the problem of why I don't seem to have many friends, having nobody to talk to about personal things when my boyfriend's away. I guess I've found it - I'm just pushing them all away. Maybe I'm just picky. Not sure if I'm content with that or not.
Friends give you a piece of their hearts, they even lend you a second piece when you need it the most. Friends are there for you at 3 in the morning when you call them. Friends do everything in their power to make your life better, and understand when you have awkward requests.
More importantly, friends give you voodoo sets (complete with pins) and cards when you're at your lowest. Friends make you laugh when you haven't smiled in days, and they offer you a clean t-shirt on their shoulders for you to cry on when your sheets are soaked through.
Friends are amazing. One year at college has given me three or four friends. I'm not talking about acquaintances, not the girls that live on my hall that I have fun with, I mean real mother fucking FRIENDS.
I'm so tired of people always talking crap about my friends! It is none of their business what goes on behind closed doors with my friends. If you don't genuinely care about them, then you have no right to talk about their business. I'm so tired of people spreading rumors!!! You have no idea what the truth is. I know that realistically you're going to just keep on talking, but i'm so tired of hearing the crap you come up with.
Christ on a cracker, ditching all of your friends for a new love interest is stupid. I wish I hadn't done it. Now I'm forced to get through this on my own. Please, please do not ditch your friends, or allow them to grow distant, just because you're with someone. Sometimes that someone leaves, leaving you numb to anything but despair.
I love my friends, but sometimes they piss me off so fucking much. They just do dumb shit, and it makes me so mad. Today, I feel like my more mature side is taking over so when my friends do dumb, teenage, bullshit it gets on my nerves. I think it's just better that I stay away from people right now. I'm really irritable, and the tiniest things are getting on my nerves. Ahhh, I think I need a hug.