God

I'm 99% convinced he doesn't exist...but sometimes I desperately wish that he did.

God exists. I believe in the existence of God more then I believe in just about anything else.

I'm sick and tired of feeling like I have to apologize for my beliefs. I am sick and tired of feeling like I have to play it off as me being cute or silly when I say anything about my religion. No one spares my feeling when they talk about religion being an opiate for the masses. No one cares that it is deeply offensive to call my beliefs naive.

No one gives a shit about how I feel when you say religion is a crutch, and that those who believe in some higher power are weaker. That belief in God is something that comforted primitive man.

Well guess what my atheist compadres the belief that humans are the most powerful group yet to be discovered, is a crutch to the modern man. Modern people like the idea that we are the most powerful beings in existence. It's comforting to think that we have complete control over our lives and destinies. It's comforting to think that we have the ability to conquer every force of nature, cure every disease, and right every wrong. It is comforting to believe that if nothing supernatural exists then evil doesn't exist.

You know the weakest creation myth of all belongs to the atheists. We are here because .... well something happened a really long time ago ...for no apparent reason a random explosion and some chemical reactions and physicsey stuff .... and the right ingredients just so happened to line up ... and I mean it was all incredibly improbable .... but we are here so something happened, right?

No matter who you are, no matter what religion (or lack there of) you believe your beliefs are being used to comfort you in some way shape or form.

Of course nothing can be empirically proven, but nothing of true importance in this world can be. The universe is much older then man, how can a system invented by man hope to explain the mysteries of something so vast and ancient. You can't empirically prove that love exists, but a lot of people are completely unashamed to admit they have experienced that too.

And I know somewhere the skeptics amongst you are saying that love is just a complex reaction of hormones or some evolutionary imperative to keep in groups or to protect our young. To you I say you've never really loved, or at the very least you have logic-ed your way out of admitting it. Ask any person with an ounce of self awareness who has depression, or anxiety, or is on their period; at some point you can always tell what is chemical and what is real.

I've had a fucked up go-round with God. As a child, I was terrified of God, and felt guilty for everything I did, period.
As an adolescent I despised God and I felt extremely guilty for anything I did that I saw as 'sinful', until I was thirteen. When I was six or so, I woke up face down, unable to move several nights in a row. This was the first time this had happened to me, I'm used to it now, but I was terrified then. After I woke up enough to roll over on my back and breathe normally, I began scrutinizing my recent behavior, trying to figure out why God was punishing me. I laid there, a dismayed failure, and did something no six year old should have to do. I tried to bargain with someone who doesn't answer back.

I really wish my mother had understood that even though I could read and comprehend the old testament, I was 4,5,6, and not mature enough to handle it in a healthy way.