Nde

I had another near death experience last night. I felt the terror rise as I saw pieces of myself fall away from me, I seemed to let go of everything as a consciousness ushered me onward. I saw a Brahman and I heard a voice say, "Focus on this point on the top of your head." I saw two people having sex as I rushed out of my body with great force and could have let go, I nearly did, but then I said, "Stop, I can't. I can't!" I have been preparing myself for death for years. As a cancer patient you're kind of forced into it. Not sure why I stopped it. After that moment I saw a demon I'd seen before. I call it the face melting acid rock demon, but it is also the Red Skull villain from the comic book universes. It is also a drone metal demon and an atom bomb. I've also see a river of screaming fiery warriors passing through it much like one of Arjuna's visions in the Bhagavad Gita. I think it is an eternal cosmic aspect of Brahma/God/Allah. I've seen the same cosmic intelligence manifest in these different forms often as a spiraling serpent with a screaming face. When I died the first time this life, part of me did indeed let go into bliss where I experienced myself for a time as a divine being. Part of me could not let go though, and this demon is the cut off point between the layers that let go and the layers that live on in this body. I had an encounter with a bodhisattva last night as well who skillfully took me through different worlds-- demigods, human world, and the animal worlds. Becoming him was the best, so natural. He cut off as I briefly went infernal towards this near death experience. I expressed a twinge of genuine hatred. This hasn't happened to me before. It scared me, but through emptying myself today I was able to see the specific intelligence that expressed itself. It was kind of an evil Indie rock guy. The sin was greed and it was related to my brief modular addiction. Other news? Had a deep encounter with a goddess who protected me with spiraling serpents as I meditated. Also saw a Nagas that I first encountered this summer.