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Fuck this. Fuck who I am. Fuck this feeling of disintegration. Fuck not being able to sleep unless I'm drunk.
I'm done with this. All of it. I'm done with sobbing for hours in parking lots and not being able to explain why. Done with uncontrollable emotion ranging from manic joy, to sadness, to fury. Done with expecting more than indifference from anyone. Done with laying awake for hours at night while my brain spins in circles. I don't know what's wrong with me or how to fix it, but I know that I need to stay away from people until I figure it out.
I cried myself to sleep last night, and woke up crying this morning. I feel like I'm weak for letting anything bother me this much, and I feel stupid because I don't know if it's worth it.
I did that about a week ago. And the thing was, I wasn't even sure what I was crying about. All of the little things were just building up. And I think the fact that I was surrounded by happy couples, which only made me realize even more how deep that cut in my own life is, was the drop that made it overflow.