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I'm not sure if it's the season, the relationship drama, the family health issues, or the friends' legal issues, but I feel entirely worn down. I so badly want to just stay in bed today staring out the window and thinking about everything until I can logically confront it, but I'm not sure if these are things I can force myself to view logically. I have a lingering feeling that I'm fucking everything up, and there's no way I can just tell myself that it's okay to do that.
I feel old and eroded and silly for not being able to act like a grownup. When everything falls into place, I think everyone is going to feel like I've sold them down the river, and I'll be entirely alone. As you sow so shall you reap, I suppose.