Cheated

I had the most overtly metaphorical dream of my life last night. We were boarding a train with a group of friends. I was the last one to get on, and you closed and locked the door behind you, preventing me from getting in. I waited for a while and tried to call you. No answer. Nothing.

So I went over to the next car, where there was a nice suite set aside for me, complete with claw-foot bathtub and red velvet lounge. The only discomfort was being so curtly shut off from you.

When the train stopped, I caught up with you and tried to get you to talk about what-the-fuck, but you wouldn't reply. You just ignored my questions and talked about something completely shallow and unrelated.

In the waking life, it's getting hard to not feel like I've been cheated. It looks these days like being the "most important person" in your life meant that I was the most familiar person and comfortable emotional crutch, and as soon as I caused you pain myself you filled that gap and left no room for me at all. I feel used and unwanted and wonder if I was wrong to think you ever actually gave a shit.

I'm glad you're happy now, and I'm pleased that you've moved on, but if you are going to leave me behind in the process then you shouldn't have told me that I wouldn't lose you.

Maybe I'm not being fair. Maybe this is all overemotional and pessimistic. But I thought I was taking a step that would make everyone happier and it seems to have just cost me something valuable.