Exhausted

10-12 years, then I'm gone. If it weren't for my kids...I'm tired.

I am 41, and still afraid he'll hurt me. I don't want to feel fear or grieve what should have never been anymore.

I'm exhausted...mentally and emotionally and physically exhausted.....I desperately need to work on something that isn't real work. I've been studying my ass of for all these fucking tests and I have one more today....then I have three more before I'm done for the year. Fuck this shit! I just am tired of people touching me right now, and I'm tired of doing all of this stuff that I have to do. It's just all so stupid. That's how I feel right now....but by tomorrow it'll all be okay. I wasted time yesterday playing guitar for three hours ..... I really should have been working on my homework instead....Had I done that I wouldn't have fallen asleep on my fucking physics book... I'm more than mildly irate but ti's all passing.

The worst part is I haven't been able to let off any steam in a long time. Perhaps I could just go and make out with one of my friends for a long time. That'll calm me down at least. Next week I'll go hit things and then I'll be level again. I'm fine now, but not level.