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I know you don't understand why it hurts me to hear the things that I'm always hearing about your sex life. And I know that it's none of my business. And it's a stupid thing to be hurt by. None of that makes me feel any different, despite my best efforts. All I've wanted, for a very long time, is for you to be mine and for us to share a life together. Add that sentiment to the fact that I've felt sexually unwanted by you for years, and it's hard not to just lose my shit sometimes. I keep thinking that one of these nights, you'll make love to me like you used to. Or maybe give me a real kiss. Something.
I know that you'll never be mine. Not like it is in my dreams, anyway. The things that make us happy are very different, and that's why we had to separate. I could never ask you to be with just me, or to do anything else that I know wouldn't make you happy. And I really am happy to have the parts of you that I have. Your friendship, company, hugs, and maybe even still a little of your love. But I'll always be yours, and you'll never really be mine. I'm still trying to figure out how to live with that.