Sometimes I think I wish I could just kill some people off. But I don't want the legal or moral issues to haunt me. Why can't some people just leave others alone? If they are not a necessary part of your life, leave them alone! You're not family you're not really friends so why are you lingering around? Some people just need to disappear.

Why do people choose to bring this horror to the world?

I desperately want to live in a world where the people around me don't get brutally murdered at random.

I hate that this makes me constantly imagine the deaths of everyone that I care about. I hate that the scenarios have played over and over in my head so much that they can no longer turn off, and that I feel like I'm constantly living a nightmare where I'm a split-second away from witnessing sudden and horrific violence. I hate that this makes me want to arm. I hate the gun permit application with my signature on it. I hate that I can't feel detached, and that I feel that it's inevitable that it'll eventually be my turn. I hate that for all the murders that have happened around me, I've never heard of the killers being caught. I hate that I'll probably never know why people wanted my brother dead.

I hate that I'm becoming a hateful person.

My friend tonight was a good guy, and made a lot of friends that will miss him a lot.

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