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Sometimes I think I wish I could just kill some people off. But I don't want the legal or moral issues to haunt me. Why can't some people just leave others alone? If they are not a necessary part of your life, leave them alone! You're not family you're not really friends so why are you lingering around? Some people just need to disappear.
I hate that this makes me constantly imagine the deaths of everyone that I care about. I hate that the scenarios have played over and over in my head so much that they can no longer turn off, and that I feel like I'm constantly living a nightmare where I'm a split-second away from witnessing sudden and horrific violence. I hate that this makes me want to arm. I hate the gun permit application with my signature on it. I hate that I can't feel detached, and that I feel that it's inevitable that it'll eventually be my turn. I hate that for all the murders that have happened around me, I've never heard of the killers being caught. I hate that I'll probably never know why people wanted my brother dead.