Miss

7 years, 4 months ago
Link to this thought

I'm missing out. On so much. It's sad, depressing & I can never forget about it.

It's been years since we were close, and I do still find myself missing you horribly. Usually it's not something I think of, but the thought of seeing you soon has me so atwitter that I kind of want to punch myself in the face. How have you changed in these months? What will you think of the growth I've made in my life? Do you care? I've never been able to figure that out with you.

Damnit, I miss you. Seeing you will just make it worse when I leave, but I think the time with you will be worth it. You've never failed to give me perspective, insight, and a weird sort of balance. I know you think I could find that just as easily in someone else, that there are hundreds of people on Earth like you... but they aren't you.

So thank you.

I miss claiming hotel rooms with you, the fervor in whatever we did, be it browse the IMA, stumble along the canal, or fuck. No, it wasn't making love. I miss the things we did together. I'm not sure I miss you, anymore. Sometimes I miss the length of your body, too.

and I miss the length of you, the thiness, the way your hipbones fit into my hands. I miss your quick smiles and your piercing eyes. I miss every goddamn thing about you.

On a bright and blustery morning, crisp and cold as is winter's way, I can put you out of my mind. With things to do and people to see, the little 'what if's and 'if only's sink down to the bottom of my sedimented mind, and ripples on the surface won't disturb the mud below.

It's the dark days, the rainy damp miserable ones when I curl up in front of my PC and while away the long dark days with nothing to distract me, those are the problem. When I start remembering and wondering, stirring the deepest mud of my mind with a boredom-stick, I remember you. I ache wondering what could have been, I torture myself reliving those last moments.

Those days, I miss you fiercely. I wish you missed me too.

Why do I miss her after only one day? I should be able to go one day without this feeling. I haven't been abandoned or left, it's just a natural space of time.

My lungs miss mary jane freedom from the pain Shelter from the rain...

Sing that part again.

I love you I love you I love you Shoot me in the face I want you I want you I want you Slit my throat without grace I need you I need you I need you Stab me in the back Gimmie gimmie gimmie Give me heart attack....

-E,N!
View Thinker #000000's profile

I went to a concert recently where they played that song over the house system while one of the bands was setting up. I was drunk and upset about some things and cried a little on my friend's shoulder listening to it again.

No one ever seems to bring up that song as much as their others. I'm glad to see that someone else appreciates it too.

View Thinker #4d689f's profile

This is my favourite E,N! song. It reminds me of walking home from school with it on my ipod, listening, singing along when I knew the words. I used to pretend it was written for me.

In fact, I'm going to put it on right now, and because I'm alone in the house I'll crank up the volume so I can hear every bit.

I don't want to think about why it makes me feel so sentimental, it's just good and it does.

View Thinker #77406d's profile

I don't want to think about why it makes me feel so sentimental, it's just good and it does.

Exactly. I still like them. Listen to them occasionally. When people who won't bitch (What? A Local Band? You little emo blh blah blah) are around.

I, well, we discovered E,N! Right at the beginning of our relationship, my previous boyfriend and I. I can't listen to those CDs without thinking of, and missing him.

We used to sing them in Baker park in the middle of the night.

View Thinker #77406d's profile

I miss living close enough to Muncie to go to shows regularly.

View Thinker #000000's profile

Oh, I just remembered this. Despite Crafty's vow that Everything, Now! will never perform that song again, I was lucky enough to hear Crafty perform it solo at the last Muncie MusicFest, and it was goddamned beautiful. He revealed that it's named Bowel Sonata (Movements 1, 2, and 3) because he wrote it while he was on the toilet.

View Thinker #fc785d's profile

lol @ the name of the song. Also, I have written poetry in the same vein as this song. No, I have never heard anything by them or anything...but it's nice to know there are people who write songs on the can, just like I write poetry in my head while sitting on a porch feeling lonely & sorry fer myself. I think I've actually written a poem on the can, too. If not, I think I should've by now!

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