I don't think I'll ever be the kind to dress the part. I'm never going to use a paci. I like stuffies and blankies and I love when you read to me.
I love when I see pride in your face when I understand something you've taught me.
I'll never get over the flash of light, happiness, pride I see in your eyes. It's my favorite when I do something that surprises you that is good, when you haven't seen it coming and you learn organically that I am trustworthy and a good girl, or actively thinking of ways I can please you.
You are so good, and sweet, and a person of light. You have integrity I want to aspire to; having someone like you respect me means something.
But my heart really is a little heart. Right now a scared little who doesn't know how to trust, though I so desperately want to belong to you.
The scariest thing for me is how you are opening those doors. How you let the light in and make room for play, calling me to abandoned joy.
I keep looking for betrayals and wanting to run away, sure that you would never really want me to love you the way I do.
After our talks, I keep trying to figure out why it makes you happy that I love you the way I do, and why you are so excited to be my Daddy. I don't know why you want to be patient with me and help me grow, or deal with how hard it is to date me and keep up with my need for reassurance.
I will try not to live in the fear, try not to do things just so you won't change your mind.
I will try to live in the love and be open to what good can happen and unfold naturally. I will lean into you, and let you build us, and let you show me how you are a good Daddy to your good girl.