Whore

It does hurt that many, many people would consider me a whore if they knew the truth. But I know myself, and I know that so many teachings they cling to are bullshit, are worse than no social upbringing, because society taught them wrong. I know the times I'd take back still served their purpose. And I know the times I wouldn't take back were more wonderful than anything they'll ever know.

amphetamines

you are my favorite drug. you are my fairy godmother, and i am your bleach blonde cinderella. cinders ella, cinderella, who doesn't want to be a scullery maid, who wants to be pretty and thin and sociable at the ball. Who wants to dance with the prince. Who says such wonderful things. Who wants to get all her homework done. but the spell ends at midnight. it ends and i am dirty again with no way to get home. my golden carriage is a pumpkin, my white stallions are mice, my coachman is a lizard. But where does the glass slipper fit in? What is left behind besides a trail littered with exhaustion and tears and bitterness and grief and bruises and cuts and screams for god-only-knows-what? Besides poetry? Besides bad metaphors? Beides some completed assignments and small chunks of euphoria? and what prince charming would follow that? but this isn't even about men.

we call it "amphetamine" with an A, because that's what we cinderellas want. we want A+es. we want amplitude and assurance and ambition and assertiveness and artistry and animation and airiness, because those are the things amphetamines give us. But the clock strikes midnight and there are no more balls. There is no prince. And going back to scrubbing the floor is drearier than it was before, because now we know that the dirt is all around and no matter how clean we are it'll just keep coming back.

Have you ever seen the movie Elf? Buddy the elf answers the phone "Hello, this is Buddy the elf. whats your favorite color?"

i do too. i'm a follower.

"Hello, what's your favorite color?"

uncomfortable silence "uh. blue? This is Mr. **** the Dean of Admissions at WNEC Law. Could i speak to *****?"

"One moment please" and i pretend to get myself.

So, i'm in the 3+3 program. Law school next year. I don't have to grow up.