Darkness

I feel this darkness creeping in on me. I recognize it from years ago. I remember the nights spent in agony, tears pouring out of me. I remember being completely out of control, totally helpless. I abandonned myself during that time and I'm amazed I survived. I have more in my life now. I have shining beacons of light. But even they cannot keep this darkness at bay. I'm different now than I was then. I don't have the same problems, I'm not as weak or lost. I know where I am, I know my place. I know my good things, all the positive in my life. But it doesn't seem to matter. This darkness is just seeping into every part of me. It's been years since I've had this. YEARS! Life was so much better than this. What happened? Where did my strength go? I sit and I listen to my thoughts and I can hear my darkness in them. I watch my actions and I can see my darkness there. I hear my words and there is my darkness as well. This darkness has even started to consume my fire. And that's saying something. I'm terrified of this and where it might take me. I know I need help tp pull out of it. But I have no one right now. Maybe that's the darkness talking? I doubt it. There it goes again.