I allow myself to choose things to do or think about that will destroy everything about me because if I didn't, I would dwell on the thing that began this new strain of self-loathing.
Being sexually assaulted was eye-opening. I have no one to talk to about it, because no one sticks around. Being alone is my natural habitat. Loyalty was never something I received.
Destroying myself has its appeal because I don't ever want to be in that dire of circumstances. I never leave my house, since that night.
Now that Medicaid will be requiring work, no doubt, I will lose my ability to talk to someone about all of this.
On some levels, that is fine by me. More destruction!
I can't function in a work environment because I can barely function at a home environment, where I do whatever I want when and how I want.
Some would argue that if I got out more...I would grow accustomed to all of it once again. That, in the long run, it would benefit me if I began to pull my own weight around.
I haven't left my home except maybe twice a month for six months. I guess Trump will begin to contribute to the Destroy Me charity, in the end.