4 years, 8 months ago
Link to this thought

I allow myself to choose things to do or think about that will destroy everything about me because if I didn't, I would dwell on the thing that began this new strain of self-loathing.

Being sexually assaulted was eye-opening. I have no one to talk to about it, because no one sticks around. Being alone is my natural habitat. Loyalty was never something I received.

Destroying myself has its appeal because I don't ever want to be in that dire of circumstances. I never leave my house, since that night.

Now that Medicaid will be requiring work, no doubt, I will lose my ability to talk to someone about all of this.

On some levels, that is fine by me. More destruction!

I can't function in a work environment because I can barely function at a home environment, where I do whatever I want when and how I want. Some would argue that if I got out more...I would grow accustomed to all of it once again. That, in the long run, it would benefit me if I began to pull my own weight around.

I haven't left my home except maybe twice a month for six months. I guess Trump will begin to contribute to the Destroy Me charity, in the end.

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