Journal

Here I am finally. First entry - end of longing. I wonder why I waited so long to begin this damned journal because of my likeness of writing down my thoughts, theories, and hypotheses.

This entry - this beginning is going to be quite diffiuclt because of all the shit rambling through my confused, aching mind. The decisions on what to write down and what to wait on till a future date. My third psychologist has probably gotten the great idea of making a journal in front of my head enough to actually go forth and resume (realistically) what the students of American Lit in Noblesville shit school were forced to do in the 10th grade... I was one of them. A journal to repeatedly write in is one of the many things I need right now... OKAY - the end of that boring crap.

I discovered or added more of how my mom is tonight. I would use dirty words right now but I'm trying to avoid them. Tonight she smashed, ate, and spit out a conversation which started out with the controversial death penalty which then went to vivisection. ((She had no idea what the hell it was (the word)). That pissed me off enough, but then she stepped on the authentic knowledge of mine on the subject. She tried her damndest to make me feel like an ignorant piece of shit that was being thrown off by "shitty uninformed bullshit literature, media, and person to person transaction that I have encountered". I'd like to know who she thinks she is. Mrs. know it all vs. problematic 'thinks' he knows it all. I do believe she has occasionally thrown away some of my intelligent rags. Once again I'm gonna wake up frustrated, tired, helpless, angry, dissatisfied, and unwantingly tomorrow just like I have for the last three years of my 'life during school'.

That shitty clock by/on the wall One day I'll make it fall See it shatter as it calls For me to grope down the halls My conscience speaks out Once again for its awakening