Future

I finally found you. This one I know is true
He was there all along. The one who called me perfect while I had sweats on. I finally found the one whom I’m going to marry. Although I’m terrified I’m wrong. That this isn’t my love song. I’m terrified that when you look in my eyes you see me. Because I’m afraid you will leave.

I’m afraid you will see all the hurt and the pain. And all the nights I led astray. All the nights spent crying and all the nights I thought about dying. I’m scared that I’ll get back into that place and I won’t be able to come out. That next time I’ll fade out. No one ever wants to deal with the depressed girl. But I’ve found a select few in this world. And only one to make it as far as we have. Two years for me is something to brag. I don’t really think about the first anymore. And when I do I think how much we could gotten ahead if you were my first. But then I think about everything that we wouldn’t have learned. And it makes me glad you weren’t my first. Because I was messed up. And the truth is I still am. But you know that and still choose to stand with me. The nights aren’t as dark. The day seems slightly brighter. And the future still terrifies me but at least I can see one now. Before there was nothing. A wall. A dead end. The end. Nothing. I didn’t see myself past 19. But here I am at 24. And I don’t know what to do. Especially for a career. All I know is I want to spend the time with you. All I know is I want a future with you. I see us vs the world. And I’ll be damned to let the world win.

My future is so uncertain now. I am so afraid for what I have become and what I have done to my life that I am afraid that I have sunk so far down into the pits of life that I cannot see the surface anymore.

...and the future I see for myself and for my family and for everyone is dim.

I fear my future.

Every college kid on the verge of finishing school wonders what life has in store for them next. Some are finishing their studies and are about to embark on the grand adventure that is life...others have no idea what they want to do. Still others know what they want but are waiting for that right door to open up.

Waiting. Waiting and watching for that door may be the hardest thing one has to do aside from actually accomplishing college or high school.

Where does the patience come from? Where do the right answers lie? How do you really know which path to take?

Have you ever had a feeling that you wanted to do SO much in life- that you were meant to accomplish so many things- yet felt life was too short?

Sometimes it's hard to ignore the future for even a minute and enjoy all the wonderful things surrounding you. Don't let all of the beauty flashing before you fade before you get the chance to savor it...

Popcorn is indeed the food for thinking... =D

How do you tell the one person you love more then anything in the universe that you don't think your future will work out together?

I'm much more worried about my present. The future will most likely be better, possibly be worse, unlikely to be the same. I don't have room for the future, anywhere in my being.

Everyone’s afraid of the future. Especially their own.

I have to stop thinking about the things in my past.

Everybody I have ever loved, including my own mother has let me down and left me for dead.

Maybe this time it's different. Please let it be different.

I love him so much.

I want my future to be with him. I want to live and be happy.

It has to be my turn for happiness sometime right?