Pigeon

I'm fine with pigeons. I kind of like them, really.

But everytime I walk by them and one lets me get real close without strutting out of my way...

...I get this huge urge to just punt the little guy like a football.

Luckily I can resist this urge.

On a related note- I like when animals run away and hide as I walk past. You can pretend they're people and that you're a terrifying evil overlord, feared by all, the monster parents tell their kids will get them someday if they don't eat their vegetables. I like to think this, as all tremble with fear as I pass - even if they're just squirrels or small birds. I am the dark god to them, and they shall quake in terror at the thunder of my mighty footsteps.

I like pigeons. They are adaptable, hardy opportunists. And they're cute.

They are never too good to eat our crusts and crumbs.

They appreciate art and architecture on a very practical level, and freely contribute to said artistic creations. For pigeons, shitting on statues and municipal buildings is never taboo.

Pigeons who bathe in fountains are rarely bothered. Pigeons who sleep in parks are left alone. Pigeons are frequently given hand-outs. They always have friends around. They lead lives homeless New Yorkers would be jealous of. They lead lives I'm sometimes jealous of.

They can fly.

There are black pigeons and white pigeons and grey pigeons and all sorts of colors in between, and they all get along. Except when they steal each others French fries.

Pigeons provide that sense of familiarity when traveling to far-away places.

Yes, there are way too many of them. Sometimes they can be annoying. And sometimes they spread diseases. But as a human...look who's talking.

Yay, pigeons. Rock on.

I do not like pigeon's and am terrified that I will someday get pooped on. Personally I would much rather the dodo was the bird that didn't go extinct.

I slept on a park bench under a tree in Baltimore last spring. A pigeon crapped in my eye. In my fucking eye. Yeah, I fully expected to get some birdass-to-eye disease that would force me to wear an eyepatch or something, but I just wiped it off, grumbled, and nothing came of it. Huh. Turns out pigeon is poker slang for "a card, acquired in the draw, that greatly improves a hand or makes it a winner." Did not know that. You learn all sorts of weird word trivia when you use dictionary.com instead of spellcheck.

I went to Chicago today, and I saw an insanely fat pigeon hanging out at a McDonalds. The thing probably couldn't even fly away. People kept feeding it fries.