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I'm back for the parties and the people and the drugs. I'm back and I never want to leave. I'm so tired of empty lifeless towns that the city feels refreshing. There's so much life everywhere and it exhilarates me as buildings loom closer and the scent of the coffee shops intoxicate me, teetering down the widened sidewalks in 6inch heels, a cigarette perched on my lips as a train roars overhead, birds scattering around frantically for a crumb or two as the sun begins to peek down behind the buildings, the sunlight dimming as the lights in the eyes of the people around seem to spring to life. Nighttime in Chicago is coming, and I never want to look back again.
I need to find something new here.... new people... I don't know. I go to a small school that is inside the city, just out of the loop, and quite nearly all of my friends up here are at this school. I feel like i need to branch out. I need artistic friends again. My boyfriend and I enjoy our art, I think it would be great to get involved with something around here that IS NOT SCIENCE RELATED. Don't get me wrong... I love my major, but I can't stand the limits of my school with respect to the utter lack of art. The Architects have some pseudo artistic courses that they can take but I'm looking for something more. I think I need to go to one of the other campuses and look around, maybe make some friends, or something. I just miss BSU because of the wide variety of people I knew there. I knew people who were really into computers but also liked to get really into the opposite end of the spectrum. I knew people who were in love with science and painting, guitar and chemistry.... I just feel more limited here than I did before.
I love this City. There's something about it that makes me feel like I belong. I feel as though I have some sort of purpose here. I love walking around the south side near where I live despite the fact that it can be dangerous. I embrace that and move on. I think this is the best possible move I could have made for my self. I'm glad I did this.
I am beginning to honestly love my life here. I sleep better, and more often. I'm eating more healthily and, over all, living better. Granted I'm still down on myself and have problems, life isn't perfect. I just feel like moving here, so far away from everyone I know, has helped me grow, change, and develop.
Sunday morning....I stood on the beach of lake Michigan and watched the sunrise with my friends, smoking a bowl. The way we live, It seems like if we died at any moment, we would be perfectly fulfilled with our lives. As I stood there, I realized that I'm one of the lucky ones. I have these moments, and I cherish them. =^.^= We've climbed all the way to the top of the fence and there's nothing but a free fall from here. I have become the ones that I envied so long ago. But my eyes are open, and my mind is clear.......and my smile is now apparent.